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pepperbaby521

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Being bored is a time for reflecting... [Jan. 12th, 2008|05:25 pm]
pepperbaby521
And unfortunately, I haven't been bored in a LONG time. Like...years. I mean, really, truly bored. Sure, I've had times where I'm sitting around at home...but only for a couple hours at a time. Then I'm off to another class, or rehearsal, or lesson, or friend's house. But here I am, sitting on the couch for the third day in a row. And right now, I'm okay with that. Maybe because my hormones are all out of whack right now, and really, all I want to do is curl up under my covers and pretend the world doesn't exist. Not go back to school. Not ever work. Nothing. I'll get out of that though. For now, I'm reflecting. Which is good. One should not ever go for YEARS without really reflecting on life. Yet I have. So, here is what I've realized in the past...27 minutes. Since I woke up from my nap and began reflecting.

I have been very childish about many of my friendships. First of all...I really need to lose my younger friends. I don't have a single younger friend who is really important to me. Except maybe James. But he's a given. Because he's Alyssa's. I've tried to keep in touch with them for so long, when really, I don't care that much. They're just extra baggage. More people that I can say are my friends. But I don't really care about them. So why waste the time or the energy when I can be using that time and energy to make new friends?

Secondly...I have been far too flippant with using the word "love." When it comes to friends, I mean. I've never said it to a significant other. I have told SO many people in my life how much I love them. I still do. I can guarantee you that if I ran into certain people from high school today, I would squeal, "I LOVE YOU!" Although...maybe not anymore. Because I've realized. I really don't love very many people at all. I care deeply about many people. But I only love a select few. Not because they've gone down in my list of people I love. But because I never loved them in the first place. I've tricked myself into loving people. Because I'm a nice person, and it makes me sound nicer to say "I love you" than just "You're fun to hang out with sometimes." Which is really what most of those people are. Fun to hang out with. Sometimes. Now there are those select few people. In my immediate group of friends. Who I really, truly love. And a few people on the outside of that group of friends even. My long time friends. Of course I love them. They've been there through thick and thin. But...that's about it. Anyone else? It's not love. It's a pitiful excuse for a friend. And I've now realized that it doesn't make me sound good to go throwing that word around left and right. It kind of makes me sound like a douche.

Lastly...the BEST friend. Another thing that makes me sound like a douche. "She's one of my best friends." "She's like my best friend." Etc. Best is a term that means the top. The number one. Which means you have ONE of them. And I've realized now, that I DO only have one of them. Until now, I've called countless amounts of people my best friends. No. They're my CLOSE friends. I have a lot of close friends. I'm lucky in that respect. But only ONE best friend. Only ONE maid-of-honor worthy person. I don't even know if I'm that person to anybody. And I'm okay with that. Because I know that it takes a lot of work to get into that coveted position. I can't believe that I've been so naive as to think I had so many best friends. It just makes me sound like I don't value words like "best" and "love" at all when I throw them around as I used to. Someone who's opinion I value highly pointed out offhandedly (and kind of passive aggressively) that I use the term "best friend" quite often. Maybe it wasn't his intention in what he said. But he made me realize it. And he's absolutely right. All of this stops. Now. From now on, I use the term best friend when speaking of only one person. Everyone else is close friend. Or friend. Or even, simply, acquaintance. Because I've also realized that so many people who I considered close friends before have become just that. Mere acquaintances. So what? People grow up. And move on. Just like I'm doing.

Time changes everyone. I don't know what brought all these thoughts on. Maybe it's the book I'm reading. Probably. Either way. I'm glad I realized all these things. It's time for me to grow up. Stop using such BIG IMPORTANT words like "best" and "love" like they're going out of style. Stop holding on to people that I don't even need in my life. Start working on new friendships. And preserving the ones that really matter. That's my new years resolution. What's yours?
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Just a quick update... [Aug. 15th, 2007|05:06 pm]
pepperbaby521
I'm sorry, LJ friends. I know I don't update as often as I used to. Life gets in the way sometimes, though. Updates for this summer:

1. Lauren (my roommate from Missouri) came and stayed with me for two months. It was glorious. I showed her what all the cool kids in California do for fun. And it gave me an excuse to go to LA and Disneyland and all the fun stuff.

2. I played Eponine in Les Mis. By far the best experience of my life. I learned so much about myself and my performance capabilities. Oh, and I managed to get tonsilitis the week before the show went up. AGAIN.

3. Emily (friend from Mira Costa) decided to move to Chico with me. SO excited. We're leaving Sunday morning. I'm excited to get away from everything again.

However,
4. I've become so much closer with some people down here than I ever thought I would. Gerilyn, Kevin, and Michael specifically. Lindsey is going to London, Katie is going back to Illinois, and James and Felisa will be up north near me. I've been with Gerilyn, Kevin, and Michael all semester though. Brittni, too. I'm really going to miss all of them. AND I'm missing going to Hawaii with choir. SO disappointed about that. I'm gonna miss MCC. I'm excited for what Chico has to offer though. And to live with Emily

Okay, I think that's it. Emmy is here right now (*squeal*) and we're watching Aladdin on VHS (*double squeal*).

P.S. I'm in love with Zac Efron. '60's style Zac Efron though. A la Hairpsray. Yes.
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(no subject) [May. 12th, 2007|11:16 pm]
pepperbaby521
I don't know what more I can do.

I just don't understand my parents sometimes. I'm 19 years old. Well...almost. I'll be 19 next week. And they still treat me like a child. I was having a normal conversation with my mother the other day. This is how it went:

Her: Did you have fun last night?
Me: Of course I did. I was with my friends. They make everything fun.
Her: You know, it seems to me that every 19 year old, with the exception of you of course, becomes more responsible after high school.
Me: Hahaha. You're weird.
Her: No, I'm serious. You need to be more responsible.

Just out of the blue! She told me that I was less responsible than any other 19 year old. I don't know what more she wants out of me! I'm getting all A's and B's in 18 units of school. I'm working for Martha to pay off my lessons at the Academy. I'm taking lessons and classes to prepare myself for my major. I'm going off to a 4 year university next year. I know where I'm going in life. I just got a job working 20 hours a week at 9 dollars an hour. Yeah, I go out with my friends sometimes. But it's not like I don't get all the crap done that I need to.

Now I'm grounded. For being irresponsible. I told her I thought it was ridiculous that she grounded her 19 year old daughter and took away her phone and she said, "Well maybe if my 19 year old daughter started acting like a 19 year old, I wouldn't have to do that."

And. And. AND. To top it all of, she told me the other day that if I don't get on campus housing, she doesn't want me to go to Chico next semester. "It just doesn't make sense. I don't want to have to deal with finding you an apartment and roommates that you don't know." She wants me to freaking grow up but SHE'S NOT LETTING ME. She's keeping me here! It's been my plan for six months now to go to Chico after this semester. And now she doesn't want me to.

I don't know what to do with her. And my dad agrees with all of this! I'm trying to be responsible. I'm doing my best under the circumstances. But with them breathing down my neck all the time, it's hard. All I know is that if they're forcing me to stay next semester, I am getting the HELL out of this house. I can't live here with the fear of being grounded again looming over me all the time. I need to move on. If they won't let me do that by going away to college, at least let me live on my own.

I don't know what more I can do than what I'm already doing. I'm doing my best.
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(no subject) [Apr. 17th, 2007|09:50 am]
pepperbaby521
I decided to update this old, dusty thing. *brushes dust off*
Hello Livejournal. Long time no talk.

I'm sitting here in the library at school. My class got canceled. I'm pretty sure it was because of these Virginia Tech shootings. I can't get them off my mind. It's such a sad thing. The biggest shooting in United States history. I'm thinking back to when I was at university. The police force and president of Virginia Tech are getting so much criticism for not notifying the students about the first shooting. You know what, though? From my experience, it would be nearly impossible to notify all the students of a big university like that. They emailed the students--that's about all they could do. There is no big intercom system. There are too many students--some living on campus, some living off. Some had classes in the morning, some didn't. I hope the president of the university doesn't lose his job over this whole thing. I'm sure he's doing his best.

Things like this really make me think. What if something like that happened to me? What if 32 of my classmates got killed one day? What if I was close with some of them? Or what if it happens to Katie while she's at school? Or something happens to Lindsey? Or Felisa? Or if, while I'm away at school next year, something happens at MiraCosta and my newfound (or oldfound) friends are affected by it? Alyssa. Gerilyn. Kevin. Brent. Michael. Sierra. Brittni. Emily. Dana. And whoever else. Or something happens to one of my sisters? What if something happens at Vista? Or El Camino? I wouldn't be able to live with myself thinking that I didn't appreciate any of these people enough. Maybe not necessarily a school shooting. But SOMETHING. Things like this just go to show that in a split second anything can happen.

So this is my tribute to all those that were affected by the Virginia Tech shooting. Also, to my friends. To my old friends--you're still the best in the world. You made junior and senior year of high school wonderful. I'm so lucky to still be in touch with all of you. We'll be in each other's weddings someday. Because we're just that cool. To my new friends--you've made this semester one of my best ever. You all know who you are.

I don't know what else to say. I love you guys.
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(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2007|10:10 am]
pepperbaby521
Wow. Long time no talk. Hm. What to say? Oh. I know. Life is wonderful right now. I'm having so much fun back home. I miss Katie, Lindsey, and Felisa, though. You guys need to come back. Then life would be perfect. Oh, and Lauren. I miss her too. Hm. I work at American Eagle now. Hooray for 50% discounts! And...things at the Academy are going great. I heart the Brewers. That's about it. Busy with school, friends, and work. Next weekend, Big Bear. That should be fun. And I'm working on Forum at the school. So I'm gonna be busy in the next month or so. Anyway. That's it. Yay.
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(no subject) [Nov. 20th, 2006|01:30 pm]
pepperbaby521
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |Endless Night--The Lion King]

24 hours from now, I will be leaving for the Springfield airport to COME HOME! WOOOO!

Everyone cheer!
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2006|12:54 am]
pepperbaby521
Some drunk guy just walked into my room while I was asleep. Like he seriously opened the door, walked halfway into the room, and had an entire conversation with the girls outside my room about how my door was unlocked. I was like "STUPID GIRLS THIS IS A PRIVATE HALLWAY DON'T LET DRUNKEN FRIENDS WALK INTO RANDOM PEOPLE'S ROOMS." GAH. It was kinda scary. For a minute it looked like he was gonna shut the door. I was like "NO! NO RAPE!" Hah. College kids are stupid.
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(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2006|11:20 pm]
pepperbaby521
So I haven't updated in a while. Did you miss me? Hee. Okay, now. First off: T-minus 3 weeks and 3 days until I get to come home! Can I get a "Woot woot!"? Yay! Now. Second. I got a flu shot last week, so guess what? Hopefully no terrible illnesses for Mindee this winter. Which is great, because I cannot afford that. No way. No how. I also got cleared to register for next semester the other day. Unfortunately, my registration date and time is the very last one because I'm a freshman and my social security number ends in 89...and apparently that's how they choose. BLAH. So I probably won't get the classes I want. *sigh*

So today I saw firsthand what hazing by a sorority can do to someone. I walked into the bathroom to innocently blowdry my hair and there was a girl from my hall standing there and I thought she was just waiting for someone to come out of the stall. Then I heard someone talking quietly from inside the stall, but there's this random girl in my hall that talks on the phone while she's in the bathroom, so I thought it was just her talking on the phone (it makes it very awkward to pee in that situation, by the way). Anyway, I'm getting ready to blowdry my hair, and all of a sudden the stall door opens and this girl walks out supporting this other girl...and the girl that she's supporting completely collapses forward and lands onto the tile...and can't get up. Mind you, this is at 4:00 in the afternoon. I was like, "Is she okay?" and the two sober girls were like, "Yeah, she'll be fine." But this girl was the most drunk I've ever seen anyone. She couldn't have gotten up if her life had depended on it, I don't think. So I eventually just gathered all of my stuff and decided to finish getting ready in my room. But I saw the drunk girl like two and a half hours later and she was still stumbling around the hall and she didn't have her key to the bathroom so she was like, "Can you help me into the bathroom?" but like...I couldn't understand her because her speech was so slurred and she looked like hell and sounded like she was gonna be sick. She looked terrible. Seriously. But anyway I found out later that Delta Zeta sorority had had some initiation this afternoon where a bunch of alumni came in and asked the new girls a bunch of questions that there was no way they would know the answers to like "What's her birthday" etc. And for every answer they got wrong, they had to take a shot. Which is pretty horrible and could totally end in alcohol poisoning or death. So anyway. That's my story about seeing a completely wasted girl who just got hazed by a sorority. It's a sad thing.

Also...I went to a halloween party tonight! I went as a mermaid and it was way fun. And there was no alcohol, which I'm glad about. It was these girls that live in the hall next to us...I know them through Sam and Ashley...and there were like 15 of us...like 9 girls and 6 guys or something like that. We went on a picture scavenger hunt all around Springfield. I'll post pictures once I get my hands on them. But it was fun to hang out with some people and get to know them better.

Anyway. Can't wait to come home. OMG I'm so homesick it hurts. It's getting harder as it gets closer....it's like...within reach...but I'm not quite there yet. But I'm so excited. You don't even know. I love you all.
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SPN Friday Five, Post #2 [Oct. 24th, 2006|11:57 am]
pepperbaby521
1. Did you really start watching for the plot?
I started watching because Tabby and Emmy forcefully sat me down in a chair and said, "Watch this!" But after the first episode, I was hooked. Yeah, the pretty boys didn't hurt, but I loved the plot. I love the thrill of wondering what's going to happen next and some of the slightly scary moments. I just love it all.

2. If the show focused on two sisters instead of two brothers, would you still watch it?
I really don't know. If one of the sisters had the snarkiness like Dean has, then maybe. Because I LOVE the snarkiness. And it is possible for girls to be snarky (um, hello, Veronica Mars?). So yeah, I probably would. I didn't even know about the pretty boys when I started watching the show, so if it had had the same thrills and everything, then I probably would have kept watching.

3. In what other ways do you think the demon can be killed?
I really don't know. This demon has me completely baffled. It's insane. I do think there is another way to kill it besides the colt though. We just have yet to figure it out.

4. How well do you think Kripke manages to balance out the scary/action/angst/humor in this series? And what do you think of how he manages to get the viewers to see things from the other perspective?
I LOVE how well Krpike balances everything out. It's a perfect balance. Like I said before, I love the scariness and the action. The angst just makes me want to cry. Like at the end of Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things? With Dean crying? GAH. I just...wanted to cuddle him. And the humor. Oh, the humor. This show would be nothing without Dean's one liners. I want to date someone like him. It makes me love him. Hee. I think that Dean is very narrow minded but Sam tries to see things from other perspectives, and that allows us to see things from other perspectives. We can always relate to Dean, but we can always see where Sam is coming from in his arguments, too.

5. Who is your favourite guest star so far? And why?
I really like Alona Tal as Jo, but I think my favorite is the girl from Summerland who played Sarah. She was great, and I loved Summerland, so it brought back memories. But the fact that she finally got Sam to open up and everything? I loved it.
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(no subject) [Oct. 18th, 2006|04:18 am]
pepperbaby521
This is upsetting.

This bites. Big time.

I hate change. Make it go back. Someone? Please?

Peyton Sawyer is right. People do always leave.

Fuck this.
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